The separation anxiety

Hi and welcome on K9 Woof You, the podcast of K9 Voice. I’m Ingrid, dog behavior consultant, and today I’ll speak about what your dog suffers when he’s alone.

 

We commonly talk about separation anxiety. When your dog suffers from it, he will exhibit bodily signs and specific behaviors that indicate he anticipates your departure and being alone with anxiety. Your dog is continuously in a state of panic. As long as you have not returned, he’s not able to be serene. Not all the behaviors he makes are voluntary; as for those that are, they are the expression of discomfort, or even a state of distress. Your dog's brain is in "Run for your life, I'm in danger" mode.

 

With that said, considering the work to implement, it is essential that the diagnosis is properly made with maximum guarantee. For this, technology has become a precious ally. You have already taken the first step towards diagnosis by filming your dog shortly before your departure, during your absence, and upon your return, whether with a phone, a tablet, a camera, and, by sending the video to a professional who will be able to figure out what is going on, in addition to asking you about some of your dog’s life habits.

The video is essential because while some behaviors may be reported by neighbors, such as barking, while others may be visible upon your return, such as destruction, your dog's motivations, the other behaviors along it, the energy he exerts, his physiological reactions, will be decisive.

The risk would be to diagnose separation anxiety that leads humans and the dog into a protocol for several months, when it is actually discomfort when seeing his humans leaving, or boredom. Once, I had clients who told me their dog suffered from separation anxiety. I began by interviewing them to assess their situation; it turned out that the dog, young and curious, was not walked more than fifteen minutes a day. It is important to eliminate problems, such as boredom, sensitivity to noise, illness, discomfort when leaving, intolerance to confinement, and others, before concluding that this is separation anxiety. A bored dog will occupy himself as best he can, with his perception as a dog, with what is available in the environment, with his own behaviors. A dog that has not been house-trained yet will urinate or defecate in the house. A dog that reacts negatively to certain sounds will bark or destroy. A dog that is sick will seek comfort, closeness with trusted beings. A dog that simply needs a specific ritual when you leave will calm down when he’s alone. I had clients, for themselves, they would say many things to their dog when they left for work or when they were gone for several hours; their dog remained calm. On the other hand, if they went to the mailbox or to throw out the trash, which took them at most five minutes, their dog would bark loudly and continuously as soon as they had passed through the door. I first advised them to produce the same ritual whether they were gone for thirty seconds or five hours. Their dog needed information, not to be ignored. This was enough to solve the problem.

 

If your dog actually suffers from separation anxiety, he will express it through various behaviors, to varying degrees of intensity. He may, among other things: destroy your furniture, your walls, his bed; urinate and defecate, very generally where he is; pant heavily; salivate; pace back and forth; be unable to settle down; bark, cry, howl; refrain himself from eating and drinking; self-mutilate, either by excessive licking or biting himself; throw himself out of windows (even when they are closed); scratch doors until he bleeds; bite your feet; steal your belongings when you go out; growl at you and/or block access to the exit.

 

It does matter for your relationship with your dog that you keep it in mind that he is pa-ni-cking. Imagine that you have a phobia: fear of spiders, fear of narrow spaces, fear of heights, fear of water. I put you in a room where there are a large number of arachnids and you cannot get out of here by yourself. I put you in a room barely wider than you are and prevent you from getting out. I put you on a glass bridge suspended at an altitude of over 1,000 meters without you being able to reach land by yourself. I put you in a swimming pool where you’re out of your depth and where the nearest edge is over 500 meters away from you with obstacles that slow you down.

 

I still hear that the dog is seeking revenge because he was left alone. I prefer to annihilate this myth immediately. First, your dog would need: the ability to anticipate which of his behaviors will make you react and how, how they will affect your mood, to practice them voluntarily and above all without emotion that expresses fear. A dog who suffers from separation anxiety is far from that. He lives in a world where your absence is a source of suffering. He’s in a constant emotion he cannot get rid of and which your return puts an end to. The greeting he then shows to you is filled with relief, not just pleasure at seeing you again. The pseudo-mischief he has done is nothing but the expression of his anxiety.

 

I strongly advise against certain tools: the anti-bark collar and the cage for the material tools, the indifference for the immaterial tools.

The particularity of the anti-bark collar is that it vibrates or sends a shock as soon as the dog's cords vibrate (because he barks, because he cries, in short, because he expresses himself vocally). I understand that the prospective of an eviction is distressing for the owners of these dogs, or of complaints from the neighbors to the police. However, if your dog barks or cries because he suffers from separation anxiety, the key word is "suffers". If you only put the collar on him when you leave, it will become a new element announcing he’s about to be alone. If you put it on him at other times, you take away his ability to express himself vocally; and here I have a scoop: dogs bark, yes, it is part of their means of communication. If your dog is no longer able to express himself vocally when he is alone, he will nonetheless express his suffering, in one way or another. You’ll have potentially removed a symptom, not solved the underlying problem.

Locking your dog in a crate is a solution sometimes used to prevent destruction. But again, this doesn't solve the problem, and may be likely to bring about another: your dog becoming unhappy with his crate and becoming confined. This can then become a problem if he is hospitalized or has to travel.

What I call indifference is when you are advised to ignore your dog, that you just need to be patient, and he’ll overcome it on his own. This isn’t about being exposed to something a little bit unpleasant, but this is about regularly suffering a high dose of intense discomfort. If you are afraid of water, you’re not going to stop panicking just because it has been x times since I have put you in the deep end. If you’re afraid of spiders, you are not going to stop panicking just because it has been x times since I’ve put one on you. Potentially, you will freeze. But being frozen has never been and will never be equivalent to relaxing. Inside, you will still be suffering.

 

The first thing to do is to get it out of your head that you have any responsibility for how your dog feels. To this day, in 2025, we still don't know why some suffer from it and others don't. Does your dog follow you everywhere? Mine did too when I was a teenager; and yet, Boby didn't suffer when he was alone. Do you cuddle your dog often? Me too! Does he sleep with you? Like many dogs, and if everyone of those who sleep and share time with their humans suffered from it, it’d be known. Did you train him to be alone? Unfortunately, this type of anxiety can be triggered regardless of what you have done or not. It can be "dormant" and rise one day, after a move, a separation, a disease, a change in schedule, the arrival of a new member in the household.

 

The second thing to do is to ensure your dog is no longer exposed to being alone. This is very often the most difficult mission, but also the most essential. Neighbors, friends, family, professional sitting services – any help you can find will relieve your stress and prevent your dog from suffering when you're not there, because he will no longer feel lonesome.

Furthermore, it will give you a way to enjoy your life without worrying about your dog being in distress. Few people I've met were happy or aloof to their dog's emotional state in this situation.

Adopting a second dog to keep the one suffering from separation anxiety company is a bad idea because you could have two dogs suffering from it. You could have only one dog suffering from it but never be able to separate him from the other. You could have two dogs who can't stand living together.

 

The third thing to do is to implement a protocol with a professional who will support you. You’ll need to look as normal as possible for your dog, without being focused on his reactions. Before even going out, it will be important that your dog looks at you with disinterest while you’re putting on your shoes, your coat, taking your keys, in short, that he loses interest in your departure routine.

When I put this into practice with my clients, it often involves repeated gestures that the dog ends up barely glancing at, even though he was urinating on himself as soon as he realized 30 minutes before his owners’ departure that he was going to be alone.

It does matter that the exercises are structured and put together in such a way that your dog always remains below a panic threshold. That your dog is looking at you and doesn't have time to worry. A few years ago, I had surgery for my myopia. I had prepared some reassuring and encouraging phrases in case I would have felt negative stress rising. But... I never had time to start them because it was already done. It was like convincing myself to take a deep breath to jump into the big pool and realizing it was just a paddling pool before I'd even finished breathing in.

 

Very often, I get two questions: how long before my dog feels well ? And : will I be able to stay out for more than 5 hours?

For both of these questions, I have only one answer: it depends on the dog. Some dogs will progress quickly and reach the moment we desensitize to duration in a few weeks; others will be stuck on an element for several weeks. It also happens that dogs stagnate or regress. As for the duration that will be tolerated, it’s not possible to anticipate: each dog has his own tolerance threshold.

 

This is one of the most challenging and incapacitating issues in daily life. Both the dog and the humans are held captive by this suffering. The dog lives in a tense emotional state, anticipating with every words or gestures that he’s about to be forsaken. The humans live by depriving themselves and focusing their life around and for their dog. Either they go outside with their dog, or they don’t go outside.

 

What I'm sure of is that every household I've supported and that have benefited from progress has observed several changes in their lives: going to the bakery without worrying about the dog, going to the mailbox without fearing he’s panicking. I also have those who are so conditioned that they no longer know what they can do outside with the time they have for themselves, without their dog.

What I love most is when I see their dog greeting them and expressing joy only, not a need for reassurance. Or, when I see their dog barely lifts his head as if saying, "Oh, you’re already home ? I'll finish my nap first."